Movies I’ve Watched Lately #2

This always seems to get a reaction. My ratings and brief reviews of movies I have watched recently but not blogged about. I rank based on half stars up to five, and my taste usually sucks.

These will be movies I have watched since January 12. And as you will see – I don’t watch a lot of movies.

The Firm – One of my favourite movies. Probably the 7th or 8th time I’ve seen it. I fucking hate Tom Cruise, but there are a few movies where he just is perfect for the role and wins me over – a Few Good Men being another one. Along with Cruise you have a phenomenal supporting cast. Holly Hunter was nominated for an oscar for her performance in this one. Gary F’N Busey is in it, as well as Ed Harris who puts on his usual phenomenal performance and of course Gene Hackman. The story is great too as is the musical score, and even with a running time of over 2 hrs and 30 minutes it never drags, and flows very well. *****

Extreme Movie: I love movies like this, because it takes great fucking talent to have a running time of 1 hrs 30 minutes for a comedy, and not have ONE funny thing in it at all. I mean I’ve seen a lot of bad comedies, but there’s still points during them where I’ve laughed a bit. Not so in Extreme Movie. What’s even better is it is a very very very vulgar movie, and usually vulgarity provides a few cheap laughs. That’s why this movie is so special – they manage to take the vulgarity, add more vulgarity on top of it, yet somehow manage to provide one of the unfunniest movies ever to hit the screens. Seriously Schindlers List probably gets more laughs than this. I have no idea how I managed to last through this whole movie but I did, just to see if they would slip and make me laugh. Yet I managed to sit there stone faced, through such amazing skits as Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle fucking a chick who dresses up as Hitler, a guy who tells his girlfriend it’s okay to fart in front of him(so she does like a 2 minute long fart), and Michael Cera going out to rape somebody. Seriously recommended viewing, just to see the definition of unfunny.

The Wedding Planner: Ouch. Pretty piss poor movie. Absolutely no comedy to it, and just some crap romance throughout. McConaughey and J-Lo had some chemistry which was the only thing saving this movie from a big fat dud. But the story itself was just horrendous. I hate how romance movies nowadays seem to want to throw in like 60 twists, rather than going with the formula that works. *

Boondock Saints II: Pretty fucking awesome movie. Bit rough around the edges in spots, and Julie Benz(Rita from Dexter) was someone I could not get into, and dragged the movie down a bit. Maybe on repeats I’d like her more. Anyway easy **** and would be higher if not for Benz.

Old School: Still Rocks. ****

Soccer Dog: See this for the most ridiculous, contrived pathetic plot ever. Absolutely amazing stuff. The evil dog catcher. The boy in a new town. The stray dog. The boy that won’t accept his new father. The orphan. The MAFIA GUY THAT FIXES PEE WEE SOCCER GAMES. The Jamaican kid that says MON all the time. Dramatic music. David Hasselhof burns. This has everything. Watch the amazing trailer:

Taking of Pelham 123 – ***1/2. Decent enough, Washington obv made it, Travolta wasn’t too shabby. Really needed some sort of awesome twist to get it a higher rating tho.

The Promotion: When I saw who was in this – Seann William Scott, Jenna Fischer and John C. Reilly, I thought I’d love it. Even when every review I read talk about how shitty it was, I figured they were WRONG and it was gonna be good. Turns out they were right. It is just a horrible movie. Fischer is barely in it, and adds nothing to it. Reilly totally phones it in. He is from Quebec, and he has this alleged Quebec accent that sometimes he appears to drop throughout the movie, other times plays it on really strong. And Seann William Scott – well, he should never be cast in a role where he not only is he not allowed to swear, but he goes the opposite calling a “pussy” a “p word” etc. This is seriously awful stuff. Complete dud.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: I might lasted 40-45 minutes? Up until he goes with a whore. Seriously fucking awful, one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, and on my next meetup I am going to give Hun a severe fucking booting in the balls as he highly recommended this trash to me.

Kick-Ass: Pretty fucking amazing. ****1/2

Orphan: I liked it. I think if you sit back and analyze it then you can see a lot of flaws. Also I found the direction was real bad – didn’t flow well etc. However it was a good enough movie, freaky enough, and the twist was great. ***

Law Abiding Citizen: They should’ve stayed the same way it was portrayed in the trailer, rather than turning everything around 15 minutes in. Also anyone that thinks this movie has “shades of gray” are retarded. Does have one of the best scare moments in recent movie history though. ***

Couples Retreat: Had its moments I guess. Wouldn’t really recommend for anything other than a background movie. **

Hot tub time machine; good but man, with some tlc it could have been brilliant. ***

Toy Story 3: Great movie from start to finish, very well put together, some great callbacks. I’d put it on par with #2 and behind #1. ****1/2

The Invention of Lying: woeful and pretentious. A few laughs stop it from being godly awful. *1/2

The Stepfather – pretty sure someone read writing horror movies for dummies then wrote this. Every cliche in the book in this one including the hot blonde that parades around in underwear and bikinis the whole movie.  Still I don’t watch much horror or thriller movies so it hasn’t really worn itself out on me yet although I did let out a few groans during the obvious climax. **

Grown Ups: So much potential wasted. *1/2

American Virgin: never heard of this movie, saw rob schneider was in it and figured it would be good for a few laughs in the background while I play xbox. It wasn’t. It was fucking horrendous. I lasted an hour and that was me done. God so fucking bad I want that hour back.

Funny People: One of the worst things I have ever seen in my whole fucking life. Absolute goddamn dud, and who knew Seth Rogan could get even more unlikeable? Yet he becomes thin and just makes you hate him even more.